I am asking for help from those of you that have been following my Blog. I thought that I finally was done with all of this, but found out that he’s going forward and filing a frivolous, bullshit, phony,civil lawsuit against ME, claiming that I harmed HIM, just to keep harassing me, and tying me up in court, AGAIN. Someone out there, must know someone/someway to stop him. I called the infamous Gloria Allred (Los Angeles, CA) and spoke to one of her attorneys about my case, but was brushed off like an annoying mosquito. I am truly afraid of this man, and what he might do to me. I don’t want to die in order for the Court System takes my case, and others like it, seriously. Please send me your thoughts, and ideas. I am so BEYOND exhausted and depressed, at even the thought that have to continue dealing with this sick man. Thanks, in advance, for any suggestions that anyone can send me. Love to all of you.
P.S. I’m still here to help everyone of you, by sharing my experiences. Maybe you can help me too.
This is a very important message that I need to share with all of you. Right now,I am exhausted. I don’t want to get out of bed. I don’t give a shit about what happens today, or tomorrow. I’m sick of the abuse by my ex, the Courts, attorneys, and blah, blah, blah. I began writing this blog in 2009, never, ever thinking that I would still be writing this in 2011!! TEN YEARS of my life! Oh well, I need to get over this crap.
I haven’t been able to add a lot of humor in my entries, due to the fact that THERE IS NOTHING FUNNY,when you are living with the Devil ( well…maybe sometimes).
Now for the good news! This is a temporary moment in your life. Five days ago, I saw the proverbial “light at the end of the tunnel”, and knew that I could, and would, be the wonderful,loving ,giving, beautiful, successful person that I was, before I became involved with this sick, destructive, inhumane, creature.
Embrace the fact that you truly know the meaning of LOVE ; the Narc will never be able to experience that feeling, and it PISSES THEM OFF! They get off on seeing the pain that they inflict on others. Realize how sick, and miserable the NARC will always be. NOTHING will ever satisfy them. They don’t/won’t recognize that they have NPD ( a combination of many psychosis; pathological liars, self delusion. self entitlement, and on and on crap) . This disorder can NEVER be fixed. Do not blame yourself ; just get the fuck out of there, before you lose your sanity, kids, money, self worth, and everything else that you still possess.
Anyway, tomorrow is a new day. I’ll get over these recent days of frustration, and life will be great again. I hope this helps some of you. PLEASE, PLEASE, continue to share your words, thoughts, wisdom, questions, and answers ,with me.
I never will cease to be amazed by the characteristic Narcissist behavior that my X followed verbatim. The term “characteristic Narcissist behavior” really should be changed to “character flawed, unrepairable, without conscience, pathological liar, masochist, keep away from, Narcissist”.
X feels and acts on a sense of entitlement that is unbelievable. X thinks that he is better, smarter,mightier,craftier, than everyone else, Therefore, everyone around X was lucky to be chosen by X ,to serve, bow to, and lie for X. X used people as a means to an end; either to make himself look better or become wealthier. Status and Material Wealth; the only two goals that marked any sense of achievement in his life. Anyone that was not a source that could help X achieve these goals for X, were deemed unworthy to be in his presence. Anyone that was could no longer serve X for in his endeavors for status and materialistic wealth was dismissed, dropped like a hot potato, from the ” X World”. X also recruits a “lower class” of people to serve his needs, using fear, intimidation, money and indebtedness. These people become his ever ready servants, available for a lot of X’s dirty work. X makes sure that if something is ever going to go down, these people are going to take the fall. X never gets HIS hands dirty!
X is a highly skilled, and very, very, convincing and conniving LIAR. The lies that X tells others are often so ridiculous, and unbelievable that these LIES MUST be true!!!!!! X knows enough about the legal system so he can fool the Police, Courts of Law, Bank Officers, etc.,and enough about human emotions, to fool the rest of us. This, X learned by studying people. The only true emotions that X possesses are anger, rage, and jealousy. However, X can exude “Love” and cry, at the drop of a hat, and pretend to be a caring and sincere human in order to fool, and CONTROL his wife, family, and so called “friends”. X has only superficial friends, and they, along with everyone else, are all, expendable things. No one really knows X, and he keeps it that way. X paints different pictures of himself, depending on what his goal is, to everyone around him. He also tells lies, about the people around him, to other people so that he can CONTROL everything.
Well, X THINKS he’s in control. The end result of X’s need to lie and control is a continual state of CHAOS, that he, and those around him, lives in. X is only happy living in a state of CHAOS; because when the CHAOS stops, X is likely to get busted. People ask each other questions about his various and contradictory stories; ie. the” X Version of Truth”. This is when X invariably gets himself in trouble because he can’t keep his stories straight! So then X creates BIGGER LIES to try to dig himself out from under the BIG PILE of POO that he has made. X will NEVER claim responsibility for the messes that he makes out of other peoples lives. NEVER!!!! The messes, according to X, are ALWAYS the fault of that someone else, who is “A LIEING A-HOLE” !!! Takes one to know one.
Eventually, X has to move to a new group of people that does not know about the BIG PILE of POO that he left behind, that of course is NOT HIS FAULT ANYWAY. X starts the cycle of LIES, CHAOS, and a new POO PILE, over, and over again.
Life with X is like living through a very long, and painful, visit by the Tasmanian Devil……
How Did I Get Here? The Narcissist Training Program and the Narcissistic Ex…
I always thought that I became more learned and stronger through my life experiences. At 42 years of age, I’d done things that many people had only dreamed of doing. I thought that I had been through enough, good and bad, and therefore was a pretty good judge of character when it came down to picking out a partner. Actually, that was not true. I’ve been involved with some men that were wonderful and truly loving, and also with a couple of psychopaths that I thought would kill me (fun in the beginning, but not in the end). I was DONE with IT, and was truly happy to be alone.
Then, X came into the story, and I went willingly , though unknowingly, into
” Narcissist Boot Camp”
This boot camp was a 7 year process during which I was mind-screwed after going through the following schedule of courses given by the Narst . The end result ; an “A” in depression. By the time he was done with me, I became mentally paralyzed, very sad, and felt that I could never escape from this ridiculous marriage.
Fear- I became extremely afraid of him, and tried to hide this from the public. Only a few of my friends knew what he was doing to me. My parents didn’t even know. Everything usually looked good to those on the outside.
Isolation from friends and family- He would contact people behind my back, and make up ridiculous lies about me, usually trying to convince them that I was losing my mind. He even tried to do this to my own Doctor. That didn’t work. Some of my friends, and my Doctor, contacted me and told me what he was doing. When I confronted him, he would, as usual, try to LIE his way out of the truth. He would also tell me terrible LIES about my friends and family, to keep me away from them.
Control- Using anger and continual LIES. I never knew what bought on his anger, and it became worse everyday.
Undermining my authority as a parent figure, and causing friction whenever he felt that out of control of the relationships I had developed with his children. He hated when his children and I had a good relationship, so he would LIE to them about me, sometimes behind my back, and sometimes right in front of them.
Humiliation and Embarrassment- Telling people that I was a raging alcoholic and pill popper.I later found out, through medical records, that he is, in fact, a functioning alcoholic. Boy, could he hide his problem well! Yelling and screaming at me in public places using ridiculous accusations, and then leaving me there, helpless, with no money, no purse and no means to get home. His jealousy was INSANE and totally inappropriate
Trying to make me think I was crazy by “gas-lighting” me continually (please google this term so that you’ll understand).
Controlling all the money, and lying to me about transactions; using marital funds, without my knowledge. He was also big on having my signature forged without my knowledge and or consent.
He was extremely paranoid, and secretive. I never knew what was truly going on in our marriage.
There is so much that I need to talk about, on each of these subjects, but it is exhausting for me to even right down this much. So many, many, examples of each of these torturous things that he would put me through; obviously, LYING to me is the common theme that runs through his methods of control.
So for now, take heed in the first lessons of the Narcissist Training Program – or as I like to call it “Lieing 101″.
Dealing with a Narcissist in Court and the Narcissistic Ex
I had to go to court again this week , for at least the thirteenth time to defend myself for false claims that X made using the police department, and the County’s District Attorney. This has been another way that X has been able to control me, even during the time that we were legally separated and divorced. I had no idea that X was a professional litigator when we got married. Actually, X pressured me into an elopement during a romantic trip, right after the 9/11 attack on our Country.X was a genius at taking advantage of horrible and sensitive situations in order to convince me (“convince” is another word for “LIE “ in the Narst vocabulary) to do things that I wouldn’t have normally done.
It wasn’t until my “involuntary separation”, i.e. a shocking trip for me to jail (I’ll write about that later) that I found out, through my attorney, that X had already been involved in 65 lawsuits; 30 that X initiated . I could have looked this information up in the county records online while we were dating, but that thought never even crossed my mind. X truly had me convinced that “The Knight in Shining Armour”, blah, blah, blah, was really here. I was the Princess, and “Happily Ever After “was really gonna happen.
Just a note on the “involuntary separation”(I.S.) ; two weeks before the I.S., X sent me a very shocking and impersonal EMAIL stating that X wanted a divorce because “he was sorry that it wasn’t working out” and I should move. I was stunned, and actually thought it was a joke. I had never before received an email from X, so I thought this was kind of funny. That same night X came home from wherever X had been, and while undressing in our bedroom and trying to initiate some hot marital sex,asked if I had received and read” THE EMAIL” (probably written by his secretary,) that X sent to dictate my future. UNBELIEVABLE!!!! X was serious about this, and told me that I should leave the house because 1) X’s daughter was living with us, and it was a hardship for them to move because she needed to have our address to remain in her current school(LIE!!!) and 2) daughter couldn’t stay with her mother because daughter and X had established with the School system and CPS that her mother had a drug problem.
Well,I didn’t want to move. X decided that he would make me move by calling police with false allegations. I went to jail, and never was allowed back in my own house. Thank God, I can laugh about that now, and thank you God for finding a way for me to get the hell out of there.
Below is a great article, published by SPARC, and referenced below:
“For all of you who are facing your Narcissist ex-spouse in court, here are a few pointers to help your side gain the advantage. Following that is some further advice from an attorney.
The Narcissist In Court
A clear distinction has to be made between the FACTUAL pillar and the PSYCHOLOGICAL pillar of any cross-examination or deposition of a Narcissist.
It is essential to be equipped with absolutely unequivocal, first rate, thoroughly authenticated and vouched for information. The reason is that narcissists are superhuman in their capacity to distort reality by offering highly “plausible” alternative scenarios which fit all the facts.
It is very easy to break a narcissist – even a well trained and prepared one.
Here are a few of the things the narcissist finds irresistible:
Any statement or fact which seems to contradict his or her inflated perception of his grandiose self.
Any criticism, disagreement, exposure of fake achievements, belittling of “talents and skills” which the narcissist fantasizes that he or she possesses, any hint that he or she is subordinated, subjugated, controlled, owned or dependent upon a third party.
Any positioning of the narcissist as average and common, indistinguishable from many others.
Any intimation that the narcissist is weak, needy, dependent, deficient, slow, not intelligent, naive, gullible, susceptible, not in the know, manipulated, or a victim.
The narcissist is likely to react with rage to all these and, in an effort to re-establish his fantastic grandiosity, he is likely to expose facts and stratagems he or she had no conscious intention of exposing.
The narcissist will also react with narcissistic rage, hatred, aggression, or violence to an infringement of what he perceives to be his or her entitlement.
Narcissists believe that they are so unique and that their lives are so cosmically significant that others should defer to their needs and cater to their every whim without question. The narcissist feels entitled to special treatment by unique individuals, over and above the regular “bloke”.
ANY insinuation, hint, intimation, or direct declaration that the narcissist is not special at all, that he is average, common, not even sufficiently idiosyncratic to warrant a fleeting interest will inflame the narcissist.
ADD to this a negation of the narcissist’s sense of entitlement – and the combustion is inevitable.
Tell the narcissist:
that he or she does not deserve the best treatment,
that his or her needs are not everyone elses priority,
that he or she is boring,
that his or her needs can be catered to by an average practitioner (medical doctor, accountant, lawyer, psychiatrist),
that he or she and his motives are transparent and can be easily gauged,
that he or she will do what he is told,
that his or her temper tantrums will not be tolerated,
that no special concessions will be made to accommodate his or her inflated sense of self, etc.
When approached in this manner, this will cause the narcissist to lose control the majority of the time.
Remember, the narcissist believes that he or she is the cleverest, far above the madding crowd. If contradicted, exposed, humiliated, berated (“you are not as intelligent as you think you are”, “who is -really- behind all this? It takes sophistication which you don’t seem to have”, “so, you have no formal education”, “you are (mistake his age, make him much older)… sorry, you are …old” “what did you do in your life? did you study? do you have a degree? did you ever establish or run a business?” “would your children share your view that you are a good father?” “you were last seen with a Mrs. … who is (suppressed grin) a DOMESTIC (in demeaning disbelief))”, a narcissist will stand the chance of losing it.
I know that many of these questions cannot be asked outright in a court of law. But you CAN hurl these sentences at him during the breaks, inadvertently during the examination or during the deposition phase, etc.
The following is from an attorney who learned about Narcissism prior to his divorce and was thereby able to have his attorney provoke the Narcissist to totally lose it on the stand:
I am an attorney and have recently gone through and finished a divorce with my ex-Narcissist spouse. I also had my deposition taken (I have taken many myself. I hereby offer you some gratuitous legal and strategic advice which should be no means conflict with whatever your attorney tells you. Not knowing which state you live in, it is impossible for me to offer any kind of specific legal advice, and it would be improper for me to do so anyway. I scored a perfect “100″ in my deposition taken by my Narcissist-ex and lawyer. I adhered to the following rules:
1.Never look at the Narcissist. The lack of attention will be very upsetting to the Narcissist. It is a kind of narcissistic injury. Do not acknowledge their existence.
2.Whether their lawyer believes their BS is irrelevant. There is an old reworked saying – “Hell hath no fury like the lawyer of a Narcissist scorned”. The lawyer may try to rattle you or make you uncomfortable. Ignore such attempts. Remain calm, cool and professional and answer all questions honestly and slowly. Give your lawyer time to object before you answer.
3.Most Important!! ALWAYS tell the truth even if you think an answer to a question will make you look foolish, silly, or anything else. Do not attempt to explain your answers to make them sound better. Keep your answers brief and to the point. Do not ramble or tell stories.
Regarding Depositions: Just remember that the purpose of a deposition is not to change anyone’s mind. The purpose of a deposition is to “freeze” your testimony in writing so that any change or departure at trial can be used to hang you. That is why it is so important to tell the simple truth and not to embellish. Do not try to prove yourself right or Narcissist wrong. Just remember – if you lie, you die!
The time and place to deal with the Narcissist is in the courtroom. Let your lawyer do his job. Family law judges are disgustingly used to the lying and emotionality that goes along with divorces. You must at all costs wear the white gloves and do nothing to indicate to the judge that you are sneaky or vengeful.
To summarize the most important advice:
The real trick to beating a Narcissist in Court is twofold in nature.
FIRST: To catch them in a lie when they are on the stand is sublime.
But, you must have ABSOLUTE, INCONTROVERTIBLE proof of the lie, proof that is admissible in court by rules of evidence or by unassailable testimony. When confronted with the impeaching evidence, a Narcissist will react with fury, more lying (which will be visible to everyone except the Narcissist) and will in general actively discredit themselves.
SECOND: The second part of the process is more subtle. If possible, your counsel should structure the cross-examination of the Narcissist to bring out and allow the Narcissist to magnify his or her grandiose self. It is often enough just to let the Narcissist be himself or herself. Emotionally-healthy individuals can generally see through the false self and discern the true motives of the Narcissist.
Remember, though, at the end of the day, family law courts are generally not interested in the emotional aspects of your divorce. Most states are “no fault” divorce states, and even though judges are people and have emotions, generally they are interested in numbers and custody issues. Judges do tend to ignore all the drama, but if you can get a Narcissist to lie under oath and properly expose them, this will have a bearing on the witness’ credibility with the judge.
That is why it SO important for us to tell the truth at all times no matter how foolish we may think we look AND for us to conduct ourselves in a Calm, Rational and Dignified manner.”