I’m glad that so many of you have found, and followed my blog. You must all give yourselves a HUGE round of applause, and many pats on your backs, for surviving the abuse that you, and your children, did not deserve. Please write in, and tell me more about your experiences with your NARC, and how you made it through the battles. You have no idea how many people that you would be helping. I had no idea how many people have been in my same situation,and been destroyed by their involvement with a Narcissist,until I received a ton of responses to my blog. It makes me wonder how many people were not able to survive the devastation, caused by this relationship, and turned to alcohol, drugs, and suicide.
I ended up homeless during this ordeal, and I’m sure many others have had to go there too. It’s so painful to talk about, that you just CAN NOT talk about it. We can not believe that we will get any help from the police, the Court system, and even our family and friends, because the NARCS are AMAZING PATHOLOGICAL LIARS, and are able to twist every truth, into a lie that is beneficial for them. Those on the outside of your relationship, do not get this, and will not believe you. It’s hard for us to wrap our minds around such a ridiculous reality.
We really need to FIND and CREATE more support groups to help us cope with, and find the better life, THAT WE DESERVE. I know that there are some wonderful groups of counselors out there already, and I would love to be able to help spread the word, of help that may be available to all of us. Thank you, and much love to all of you.
Narcissistic Ex leaves a residue that taints long after they leave…
Come in contact with a narcissist and you cannot help but feel violated – even with brief contact. But live with and marry one, and likely you will be tainted by their caustic residue long after they have scattered the remains of your relationship all around you as you lay on the floor struggling to regain your foothold.
This is the insidious result of the narc’s ability to suck the life blood out of those they profess to love and care for, all the while draining you of every drop of energy and joy you posses. And those who are unfortunate enough to last a few rounds with a narc end up loosing everything in the end. Even their future. Those who live it, feel it and survive this battle one on one with the narc are forever scarred…. damaged goods long after they are left in that black smoke of the void that once contained the narc and his entourage.
Perhaps there is an opportunity in all this for the creation of a new support group – Narcissist Survivors Anonymous (NSA)! Anyone want in on the formation of the first chapter? We can hold the meetings in rooms with no mirrors, padded walls to reduce the echo and everyone will have to talk about someone else as opposed to themselves… otherwise even our best efforts to keep the poison of a narc out of the group meetings would be destroyed. And you know that once a narc finds out about our efforts, they will crash it and take over, making the entire process about them. Next thing you know… mirrors everywhere!
Narcissists and those with Narcissistic Personality Disorder be warned… we see the rubble in the wake of your destructive path, and wish to protect the next in line who come in contact with the left-over pieces of the survivors! Not an easy task….
I never will cease to be amazed by the characteristic Narcissist behavior that my X followed verbatim. The term “characteristic Narcissist behavior” really should be changed to “character flawed, unrepairable, without conscience, pathological liar, masochist, keep away from, Narcissist”.
X feels and acts on a sense of entitlement that is unbelievable. X thinks that he is better, smarter,mightier,craftier, than everyone else, Therefore, everyone around X was lucky to be chosen by X ,to serve, bow to, and lie for X. X used people as a means to an end; either to make himself look better or become wealthier. Status and Material Wealth; the only two goals that marked any sense of achievement in his life. Anyone that was not a source that could help X achieve these goals for X, were deemed unworthy to be in his presence. Anyone that was could no longer serve X for in his endeavors for status and materialistic wealth was dismissed, dropped like a hot potato, from the ” X World”. X also recruits a “lower class” of people to serve his needs, using fear, intimidation, money and indebtedness. These people become his ever ready servants, available for a lot of X’s dirty work. X makes sure that if something is ever going to go down, these people are going to take the fall. X never gets HIS hands dirty!
X is a highly skilled, and very, very, convincing and conniving LIAR. The lies that X tells others are often so ridiculous, and unbelievable that these LIES MUST be true!!!!!! X knows enough about the legal system so he can fool the Police, Courts of Law, Bank Officers, etc.,and enough about human emotions, to fool the rest of us. This, X learned by studying people. The only true emotions that X possesses are anger, rage, and jealousy. However, X can exude “Love” and cry, at the drop of a hat, and pretend to be a caring and sincere human in order to fool, and CONTROL his wife, family, and so called “friends”. X has only superficial friends, and they, along with everyone else, are all, expendable things. No one really knows X, and he keeps it that way. X paints different pictures of himself, depending on what his goal is, to everyone around him. He also tells lies, about the people around him, to other people so that he can CONTROL everything.
Well, X THINKS he’s in control. The end result of X’s need to lie and control is a continual state of CHAOS, that he, and those around him, lives in. X is only happy living in a state of CHAOS; because when the CHAOS stops, X is likely to get busted. People ask each other questions about his various and contradictory stories; ie. the” X Version of Truth”. This is when X invariably gets himself in trouble because he can’t keep his stories straight! So then X creates BIGGER LIES to try to dig himself out from under the BIG PILE of POO that he has made. X will NEVER claim responsibility for the messes that he makes out of other peoples lives. NEVER!!!! The messes, according to X, are ALWAYS the fault of that someone else, who is “A LIEING A-HOLE” !!! Takes one to know one.
Eventually, X has to move to a new group of people that does not know about the BIG PILE of POO that he left behind, that of course is NOT HIS FAULT ANYWAY. X starts the cycle of LIES, CHAOS, and a new POO PILE, over, and over again.
Life with X is like living through a very long, and painful, visit by the Tasmanian Devil……
How Did I Get Here? The Narcissist Training Program and the Narcissistic Ex…
I always thought that I became more learned and stronger through my life experiences. At 42 years of age, I’d done things that many people had only dreamed of doing. I thought that I had been through enough, good and bad, and therefore was a pretty good judge of character when it came down to picking out a partner. Actually, that was not true. I’ve been involved with some men that were wonderful and truly loving, and also with a couple of psychopaths that I thought would kill me (fun in the beginning, but not in the end). I was DONE with IT, and was truly happy to be alone.
Then, X came into the story, and I went willingly , though unknowingly, into
” Narcissist Boot Camp”
This boot camp was a 7 year process during which I was mind-screwed after going through the following schedule of courses given by the Narst . The end result ; an “A” in depression. By the time he was done with me, I became mentally paralyzed, very sad, and felt that I could never escape from this ridiculous marriage.
Fear- I became extremely afraid of him, and tried to hide this from the public. Only a few of my friends knew what he was doing to me. My parents didn’t even know. Everything usually looked good to those on the outside.
Isolation from friends and family- He would contact people behind my back, and make up ridiculous lies about me, usually trying to convince them that I was losing my mind. He even tried to do this to my own Doctor. That didn’t work. Some of my friends, and my Doctor, contacted me and told me what he was doing. When I confronted him, he would, as usual, try to LIE his way out of the truth. He would also tell me terrible LIES about my friends and family, to keep me away from them.
Control- Using anger and continual LIES. I never knew what bought on his anger, and it became worse everyday.
Undermining my authority as a parent figure, and causing friction whenever he felt that out of control of the relationships I had developed with his children. He hated when his children and I had a good relationship, so he would LIE to them about me, sometimes behind my back, and sometimes right in front of them.
Humiliation and Embarrassment- Telling people that I was a raging alcoholic and pill popper.I later found out, through medical records, that he is, in fact, a functioning alcoholic. Boy, could he hide his problem well! Yelling and screaming at me in public places using ridiculous accusations, and then leaving me there, helpless, with no money, no purse and no means to get home. His jealousy was INSANE and totally inappropriate
Trying to make me think I was crazy by “gas-lighting” me continually (please google this term so that you’ll understand).
Controlling all the money, and lying to me about transactions; using marital funds, without my knowledge. He was also big on having my signature forged without my knowledge and or consent.
He was extremely paranoid, and secretive. I never knew what was truly going on in our marriage.
There is so much that I need to talk about, on each of these subjects, but it is exhausting for me to even right down this much. So many, many, examples of each of these torturous things that he would put me through; obviously, LYING to me is the common theme that runs through his methods of control.
So for now, take heed in the first lessons of the Narcissist Training Program – or as I like to call it “Lieing 101″.
He promised me that I could forever trust him. He promised my parents that he would never hurt me. He told me that he was the victim in his previous marriages, and that his children were damaged because his ex wife abandoned the family, was a drug addict/alcoholic, and a sex addict.
He convinced me that he had been in love with me from the time that we met, twenty six (yes,26 ) years ago.
I, easily and stupidly, fell in love with the delusional portrait that he painted. Damn it, I really wanted to believe that this could be a reality!
After we married, I began to realize that he had an AGENDA. He didn’t marry me for “love”, and the other blah, blah,blah, crap. He married me for the following reasons:
1) Beautiful, younger, educated wife that had great social/money connections, to make him look great.
2) Instant “New Mommy”, for his children, that would replace his ex-wife (as referenced above) to make him look GREAT.
3) New Wife (ME), stupid enough to believe that what came out of his mouth was TRUE. I defended him, through thick and thin. I never knew what the TRUTH was, throughout our entire relationship.
4) Great credit report and lots of $ in the bank. Damn, you’ve gotta love a girl with great credit, and money to play with!
5) Revenge! I dated him when I was just out of College and not ready for a serious relationship; especially with a man that was almost a decade older than me, and just divorcing his first wife. He professed his “Love” for me after we dated for about 4 months, and told me that he couldn’t see me anymore because I was breaking his heart. WHAT THE HELL?!? We had sex one time during our dating career, and he was seeing other women the entire time (his 1st ex wife was also calling him incessantly, a huge turn off for me). I did not realize that he felt hurt, and humiliated, by this “break up” .
He was obsessed with me then, and STILL stalks me to this day.
A Narst NEVER forgets if he/she feels humiliated, embarrassed, or dumped, by anyone. They will come back and try to destroy that person, as long as they live.