My ex warned me he would “…Take me down!” In a fit of rage, violent and threatening, as usual, he laid into me with a verbal assault. His tirade left no visible mark on the outside, and nobody believes me when I tell them what happened. Well, almost nobody. The Narc always plans what they do to you, for their own best outcome. It’s what you get when you meet a narcissistic abuser… the outside is all the matters.
It has been several months now since my divorce is supposedly final, but Narc is trying to appeal the judges decision. Not that this judge did me any favors, mind you. In fact, it has come to light that he and my ex had “business” together that explains a lot. So as I sit here, trying to make sense of the unreasonable which is for the most part a gigantic waste of life, I remember Narc’s words, actions and threats as vividly as if it were yesterday. And I am tired, beyond belief. It is everything I can do just to survive each day, as the residue of this horror continues to grip me and drag me down, without a moments rest.
He won. And I cannot imagine an outcome whereby he would not have won, at least on the surface, because that is what someone with narcissistic personality disorder does – win at all cost, even to their children, family and friends. No one is safe from the abuse of the Narcissist.
No One. My Marriage was a joke, my divorce an even larger joke, and still there is work to be done, court issues to be handled and now a new lawsuit designed to finish what Narc started. Just a few minutes rest, perhaps a brief day in the sun, and then I might pick myself up out of the dust and take a step up out of this pit that has become my life….
Interesting observation about the narcissist and his abilities in court. The very pinnacle of achievement for the narcissistic personality is to represent themselves in court. True they may not always win, but the sheer exhilaration of the stage, what with the bailiff, the opposing counsel, the judge, the court reporter, the court clerk and his entourage in tow… waiting breathlessly for his “part” to be played. It was amazing to say the least. And with numerous court appearance under his belt, reading like some Hollywood gossip column from a less than prime time part of Los Angeles, the Narcissist (Narc) plays the same part over and over and over. Just to a different audience each time.
This narcissist is smooth, composed and un-phased by truth. In fact, the lines and more importantly HIS lines and look are the only things that matter to him. Justice is not even on the menu… never was and never will be. It’s all about him.
Depending upon the day, he may be composed and calculating, and then again he may go off as if driven by some mad avenger! This day was one of the more composed plays in his repertoire. And rightfully so as the narcissist in him had been dealt a slight blow a few days prior when his efforts in a deposition turned on him, providing little of use, and exposing his failings in divulging known facts to his own attorney. Funny to watch the results when the narcissist is spanked by his own lawyer! Quite a treat, really.
In the end, this day in court ended as many do – with a stale mate and a compromise. More time on the ticket to be battered and abused by the insidious efforts to control his ex, but his days are numbered in this game and with this company of players, and he knows it. As the noose tightens around narc’s neck, his narcissistic efforts seem subdued. But NO ONE involved in this charade of his takes any breathers or rest, as we know only too well that this narcissist is one calculating bastard, capable of selling his children and his soul just to taste the blood of his ex.
The end is near, at least for the legal portions of this adventure, but certainly NOT for the documenting and cataloging of the experience here in this blog, for all the world to read!
X convinced me to buy a property with him, before we were married, for our future together. The plan was to remodel the old house, that was on one lot, for ourselves. I had the background and experience that was necessary to fix up the existing and messed up house. Believe me, it was MESSED UP! I have a talent, actually a gift, of vision, and can fix an ugly house, inexpensively . We would then design, build, and sell a new house on the separate, adjoining lot, for a big profit.
X told me that we would be partners on both properties, and X couldn’t buy the project without me. He was living with me at the time, and even though he was legally divorced, he and his ex wife (#2) were still “fighting” over money and child custody issues.
The word “fighting” is an understatement of what was truly going on between the two of them. X and his ex were embroiled in a all out WAR. They used their children, and me as sacrificial pawns, in their efforts to obtain power and control over each other. I did not understand that this was FUN AND GAMES for them! This crap went on throughout our entire marriage. X pretty much shielded me from the reality of THE WAR, until the day we got married.
Now, where was I……..? Oh, yeah. The house that was gonna lead us to Heaven.
Short version; I bought the property with X, and put myself on a very big loan with him, that I was 50% responsible for. Then, we got married.
Now I know, 7 years later, that X lied to me about everything involved with every transaction regarding said properties. He diverted and stole funds from our community property, forged my name on loan documents without my knowledge, made loans to other people with our community funds without my knowledge, tried to obtain other loans on our property by claiming that our community property was his sole and separate property without my knowledge, and on and on and on.
Also, X tried to convince everyone, and anyone, that HE, and HE alone,was the only person responsible for the extremely profitable development and sales of both properties. He tried to claim that I was a “hindrance” to the subs and contractors, during the 7 years of my life that I spent working on these projects, and that I “held up” the building process. What a bunch of bull. Forensic accounting tells the truth! X can say whatever he wants, but the truth shows up on the bottom line of the accounting records.
Hey, that’s what it’s like to be married to a Narcissist. I was worthless, and he was a God. I forgot to mention that X is an atheist, and L. Ron Hubbard wrote the bible that X believes in.
I never will cease to be amazed by the characteristic Narcissist behavior that my X followed verbatim. The term “characteristic Narcissist behavior” really should be changed to “character flawed, unrepairable, without conscience, pathological liar, masochist, keep away from, Narcissist”.
X feels and acts on a sense of entitlement that is unbelievable. X thinks that he is better, smarter,mightier,craftier, than everyone else, Therefore, everyone around X was lucky to be chosen by X ,to serve, bow to, and lie for X. X used people as a means to an end; either to make himself look better or become wealthier. Status and Material Wealth; the only two goals that marked any sense of achievement in his life. Anyone that was not a source that could help X achieve these goals for X, were deemed unworthy to be in his presence. Anyone that was could no longer serve X for in his endeavors for status and materialistic wealth was dismissed, dropped like a hot potato, from the ” X World”. X also recruits a “lower class” of people to serve his needs, using fear, intimidation, money and indebtedness. These people become his ever ready servants, available for a lot of X’s dirty work. X makes sure that if something is ever going to go down, these people are going to take the fall. X never gets HIS hands dirty!
X is a highly skilled, and very, very, convincing and conniving LIAR. The lies that X tells others are often so ridiculous, and unbelievable that these LIES MUST be true!!!!!! X knows enough about the legal system so he can fool the Police, Courts of Law, Bank Officers, etc.,and enough about human emotions, to fool the rest of us. This, X learned by studying people. The only true emotions that X possesses are anger, rage, and jealousy. However, X can exude “Love” and cry, at the drop of a hat, and pretend to be a caring and sincere human in order to fool, and CONTROL his wife, family, and so called “friends”. X has only superficial friends, and they, along with everyone else, are all, expendable things. No one really knows X, and he keeps it that way. X paints different pictures of himself, depending on what his goal is, to everyone around him. He also tells lies, about the people around him, to other people so that he can CONTROL everything.
Well, X THINKS he’s in control. The end result of X’s need to lie and control is a continual state of CHAOS, that he, and those around him, lives in. X is only happy living in a state of CHAOS; because when the CHAOS stops, X is likely to get busted. People ask each other questions about his various and contradictory stories; ie. the” X Version of Truth”. This is when X invariably gets himself in trouble because he can’t keep his stories straight! So then X creates BIGGER LIES to try to dig himself out from under the BIG PILE of POO that he has made. X will NEVER claim responsibility for the messes that he makes out of other peoples lives. NEVER!!!! The messes, according to X, are ALWAYS the fault of that someone else, who is “A LIEING A-HOLE” !!! Takes one to know one.
Eventually, X has to move to a new group of people that does not know about the BIG PILE of POO that he left behind, that of course is NOT HIS FAULT ANYWAY. X starts the cycle of LIES, CHAOS, and a new POO PILE, over, and over again.
Life with X is like living through a very long, and painful, visit by the Tasmanian Devil……
How Did I Get Here? The Narcissist Training Program and the Narcissistic Ex…
I always thought that I became more learned and stronger through my life experiences. At 42 years of age, I’d done things that many people had only dreamed of doing. I thought that I had been through enough, good and bad, and therefore was a pretty good judge of character when it came down to picking out a partner. Actually, that was not true. I’ve been involved with some men that were wonderful and truly loving, and also with a couple of psychopaths that I thought would kill me (fun in the beginning, but not in the end). I was DONE with IT, and was truly happy to be alone.
Then, X came into the story, and I went willingly , though unknowingly, into
” Narcissist Boot Camp”
This boot camp was a 7 year process during which I was mind-screwed after going through the following schedule of courses given by the Narst . The end result ; an “A” in depression. By the time he was done with me, I became mentally paralyzed, very sad, and felt that I could never escape from this ridiculous marriage.
Fear- I became extremely afraid of him, and tried to hide this from the public. Only a few of my friends knew what he was doing to me. My parents didn’t even know. Everything usually looked good to those on the outside.
Isolation from friends and family- He would contact people behind my back, and make up ridiculous lies about me, usually trying to convince them that I was losing my mind. He even tried to do this to my own Doctor. That didn’t work. Some of my friends, and my Doctor, contacted me and told me what he was doing. When I confronted him, he would, as usual, try to LIE his way out of the truth. He would also tell me terrible LIES about my friends and family, to keep me away from them.
Control- Using anger and continual LIES. I never knew what bought on his anger, and it became worse everyday.
Undermining my authority as a parent figure, and causing friction whenever he felt that out of control of the relationships I had developed with his children. He hated when his children and I had a good relationship, so he would LIE to them about me, sometimes behind my back, and sometimes right in front of them.
Humiliation and Embarrassment- Telling people that I was a raging alcoholic and pill popper.I later found out, through medical records, that he is, in fact, a functioning alcoholic. Boy, could he hide his problem well! Yelling and screaming at me in public places using ridiculous accusations, and then leaving me there, helpless, with no money, no purse and no means to get home. His jealousy was INSANE and totally inappropriate
Trying to make me think I was crazy by “gas-lighting” me continually (please google this term so that you’ll understand).
Controlling all the money, and lying to me about transactions; using marital funds, without my knowledge. He was also big on having my signature forged without my knowledge and or consent.
He was extremely paranoid, and secretive. I never knew what was truly going on in our marriage.
There is so much that I need to talk about, on each of these subjects, but it is exhausting for me to even right down this much. So many, many, examples of each of these torturous things that he would put me through; obviously, LYING to me is the common theme that runs through his methods of control.
So for now, take heed in the first lessons of the Narcissist Training Program – or as I like to call it “Lieing 101″.