Christie Brinkley fights her Narcissist Ex

Christie Brinkley is shedding light on a problem we all know too much about – the destructive nature of the narcissist. Here spotlight moments on the Today Show with Matt Lauer are poignent in that he pushes her to the point where she is so upset, and this only adds to the problem with those deeply wounded by the emotional abuse of being with someone with as she calls it “Malignant Narcissism”. Read on ~

“I have turned the other cheek,” she said, adding that her former spouse of 12 years has repeatedly taken to the airwaves to air their dirty laundry. “There’s not one quote from me, anywhere. This is the first time I’ve ever been on a show (to talk about the split).”

She revealed that Cook pays $600 per month for each of their children, though he has been quoted as saying he pays “double” what’s required by courts. “It’s a very minimal amount of money,” she said. “And it wasn’t (about) the money. I have hesitated to do anything with the court because he actually likes the publicity and he likes going to court.”

While Cook has called Brinkley a “narcissistic egomaniac,” Brinkley seems to feel much the same way about him: “I have never taken part in name calling. The only thing I’ve ever said … at the end of that (second) trial I said as a public service, ‘Google “divorcing a narcissist.”‘ … I’m not alone. I’ve gotten hundreds of letters from women that are going through this. It’s not easy.”

Lauer was concerned about the impact all of this back-and-forth between the parents was having on their teenaged children; Brinkley returned that there should be “legislation that protects families from a spouse who has been diagnosed by the court-appointed forensic psychiatrist as a  bona fide malignant or extreme narcissist…. This is something the courts need to come to grips with.”

But as time wound down, and there was little chat of “Chicago,” Brinkley lost her own grip. While telling Lauer she has not been in touch with Cook for two years, though “he continues to contact me,” she said she asked a judge to “please make this stop, protect my right to peace. I just want peace for my family.”

Read the rest of her story here - Divorce discussion brings Christie Brinkley to tears: “I Just Want Peace”

More Reading

• Carolyn Bucior: The Childhood Divorce That Came Back To Haunt Me
• Christine Carter, PhD: What It Take To Have A ‘Good’ Divorce

Headway is being made, and the legal system is addressing all too slowly the damages done by the narcissistic idiots we try desperately to escape. I for one am still doing battle with the narc who to this day haunts my life, but his time is short and soon, he is going to understand how being on the wrong side of the legal system has a cost all it’s own. I for one cannot wait for the moment I write and tell you all about it! It will be glorious….. until then.

I have some new posts that I’ m working on, and you will all be blown away by what has transpired since I left off!!!!! I’m trying to recover from the latest attacks from this FREAK! Thanks for your patience. I have so much information, and many revelations for all. Please, keep sharing your stories with me. I have some new legal insight that can help everyone.

Much love to all, and hang in there….

Hi Everyone… well, if you stopped by recently as within the past several weeks, you saw what was an collection a garbage that was not posted by me and my partner. I am sorry for the problem. Perhaps it was the extended reach of my ex NARC again!

Anyway, look for several new updates! It is getting good, and bad, and you will not believe it!

I found the most amazing website, that has helped me through some of my darkest days. This is one of Sandra Brown’s latest articles. When I read it, I felt like she had written these words JUST FOR ME! Please read , and pass it on. The public, and the Courts, need to be aware of this seemingly, unstoppable, problem of  Narcissists that are highly skilled at  manipulating the system. This is one of the first articles that I’ve ever seen, that has addressed the fact that  P.T.S.D. (Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome) can actually be used in Court, to help those that are being destroyed, instead of getting the help that they need from the System. I was diagnosed with PTSD, by a great doctor, before my divorce even started.  Read on, and send me your thoughts. Many thanks to Sandra L. Brown, and The Institute!

Spring into a relationship on Perfectmatch.com
I just found out that my ex has more plans to ruin my life. Rumor has it that he is planning another lawsuit, more of the same bull crap this narc lets fly everywhere he goes. His obsession with me is incurable, and will force me to leave family, friends and my home if I have to. There is no cure for sociopaths with NPD, and narcissism is one bitch of a mental problem!

Knowing what I know now about the sickness that is narcissism, how the narcissistic ex can and will never stop stalking you, and that once entangled with the narcissist you are plagued for life… I would have made many changes in my life long ago, when running was easier. Let this be a warning to all of you, my friends, members and readers of this blog… know your enemy before it is too late. Read up on the characteristics of the Narcissist, because what you see is not always what you get, and once the narcissist becomes your ex, all hell breaks loose.

And thank you to all the hundreds of you emailing me and reading about my life before, during and after the toxic and deadly overdose of the Narcissistic EX!

I am asking for help from those of you that have been following my Blog. I thought that I finally was done with all of this, but found out that he’s  going forward and filing  a  frivolous, bullshit, phony,civil lawsuit against ME, claiming that I harmed HIM, just to keep harassing me, and tying me up in court, AGAIN. Someone out there, must know someone/someway to stop him. I called the infamous Gloria Allred (Los Angeles, CA) and spoke to one of her attorneys about my case, but was brushed off  like an annoying mosquito. I am truly afraid of this man, and what he might do to me. I don’t want to die in order for the  Court System takes my case, and others like it, seriously. Please send me your thoughts, and ideas. I am so BEYOND  exhausted and  depressed, at even the thought that have to continue dealing with this sick man. Thanks, in advance, for any suggestions that anyone can send me. Love to all of you.

P.S. I’m still here to help everyone of you, by sharing my experiences. Maybe you can help me too.

How to Recognise a Narcissist?

Frequently Asked Question # 58

Narcissism, Pathological Narcissism, The Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), the Narcissist,

and Relationships with Abusive Narcissists and Psychopaths

By: Dr. Sam Vaknin

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How to recognise a narcissist before it is “too late”?

Answer:

Many complain of the incredible deceptive powers of the narcissist. They find themselves involved with narcissists (emotionally, in business, or otherwise) before they have a chance to discover their true character. Shocked by the later revelation, they mourn their inability to separate from the narcissist and their gullibility.

Narcissists are an elusive breed, hard to spot, harder to pinpoint, impossible to capture. Even an experienced mental health diagnostician with unmitigated access to the record and to the person examined would find it fiendishly difficult to determine with any degree of certainty whether someone suffers from a full fledged Narcissistic Personality Disorder – or merely possesses narcissistic traits, a narcissistic style, a personality structure (“character”), or a narcissistic “overlay” superimposed on another mental health problem.

Moreover, it is important to distinguish between traits and behavior patterns that are independent of the patient’s cultural-social context (i.e., which are inherent, or idiosyncratic) – and reactive patterns, or conformity to cultural and social morals and norms. Reactions to severe life crises or circumstances are also often characterized by transient pathological narcissism, for instance (Ronningstam and Gunderson, 1996). But such reactions do not a narcissist make.

When a person belongs to a society or culture that has often been described as narcissistic by scholars (such as Theodore Millon) and social thinkers (e.g., Christopher Lasch) – how much of his behavior can be attributed to his milieu and which of his traits are really his?

The Narcissistic Personality Disorder is rigorously defined in the DSM IV-TR with a set of strict criteria and differential diagnoses.

Narcissism is regarded by many scholars to be an adaptative strategy (“healthy narcissism”). It is considered pathological in the clinical sense only when it becomes a rigid personality structure replete with a series of primitive defence mechanisms (such as splitting, projection, projective identification, or intellectualization) – and when it leads to dysfunctions in one or more areas of the patient’s life.

Pathological narcissism is the art of deception. The narcissist projects a False Self and manages all his social interactions through this concocted fictional construct.

When the narcissist reveals his true colors, it is usually far too late. His victims are unable to separate from him. They are frustrated by this acquired helplessness and angry at themselves for having they failed to see through the narcissist earlier on.

But the narcissist does emit subtle, almost subliminal, signals (“presenting symptoms”) even in a first or casual encounter.

These are:

“Haughty” body language – The narcissist adopts a physical posture which implies and exudes an air of superiority, seniority, hidden powers, mysteriousness, amused indifference, etc. Though the narcissist usually maintains sustained and piercing eye contact, he often refrains from physical proximity (he is “territorial”).

The narcissist takes part in social interactions – even mere banter – condescendingly, from a position of supremacy and faux “magnanimity and largesse”. But he rarely mingles socially and prefers to remain the “observer”, or the “lone wolf”.

Entitlement markers – The narcissist immediately asks for “special treatment” of some kind. Not to wait his turn, to have a longer or a shorter therapeutic session, to talk directly to authority figures (and not to their assistants or secretaries), to be granted special payment terms, to enjoy custom tailored arrangements – or to get served first.

The narcissist is the one who – vocally and demonstratively – demands the undivided attention of the head waiter in a restaurant, or monopolizes the hostess, or latches on to celebrities in a party. The narcissist reacts with rage and indignantly when denied his wishes and if treated equally with others whom he deems inferior.

Idealization or devaluation – The narcissist instantly idealizes or devalues his interlocutor. This depends on how the narcissist appraises the potential his converser has as a Narcissistic Supply Source. The narcissist flatters, adores, admires and applauds the ” target ” in an embarrassingly exaggerated and profuse manner – or sulks, abuses, and humiliates her.

Narcissists are polite only in the presence of a potential Supply Source. But they are unable to sustain even perfunctory civility and fast deteriorate to barbs and thinly-veiled hostility, to verbal or other violent displays of abuse, rage attacks, or cold detachment.

The “membership” posture – The narcissist always tries to “belong”. Yet, at the very same time, he maintains his stance as an outsider. The narcissist seeks to be admired for his ability to integrate and ingratiate himself without investing the efforts commensurate with such an undertaking.

For instance: if the narcissist talks to a psychologist, the narcissist first states emphatically that he never studied psychology. He then proceeds to make seemingly effortless use of obscure professional terms, thus demonstrating that he mastered the discipline all the same, as an autodidact – which proves that he is exceptionally intelligent or introspective.

In general, the narcissist always prefers show-off to substance. One of the most effective methods of exposing a narcissist is by trying to delve deeper. The narcissist is shallow, a pond pretending to be an ocean. He likes to think of himself as a Renaissance man, a Jack of all trades. The narcissist never admits to ignorance in any field – yet, typically, he is ignorant of them all. It is surprisingly easy to penetrate the gloss and the veneer of the narcissist’s self-proclaimed omniscience.

Bragging and false autobiography – The narcissist brags incessantly. His speech is peppered with “I”, “my”, “myself”, and “mine”. He describes himself as intelligent, or rich, or modest, or intuitive, or creative – but always excessively, implausibly, and extraordinarily so.

The narcissist’s biography sounds unusually rich and complex. His achievements – incommensurate with his age, education, or renown. Yet, his actual condition is evidently and demonstrably incompatible with his claims. Very often, the narcissist lies or his fantasies are easily discernible. He always name-drops and appropriates other people’s experiences and accomplishments.

Emotion-free language – The narcissist likes to talk about himself and only about himself. He is not interested in others or what they have to say, unless they constitute potential Sources of Supply and in order to obtain said supply. He acts bored, disdainful, even angry, if he feels that they are intruding on his precious time and, thus, abusing him.

In general, the narcissist is very impatient, easily bored, with strong attention deficits – unless and until he is the topic of discussion. One can publicly dissect all aspects of the intimate life of a narcissist without repercussions, providing the discourse is not “emotionally tinted”.

If asked to relate directly to his emotions, the narcissist intellectualizes, rationalizes, speaks about himself in the third person and in a detached “scientific” tone or composes a narrative with a fictitious character in it, suspiciously autobiographical. Narcissists like to refer to themselves in mechanical terms, as efficient automata or machines.

Seriousness and sense of intrusion and coercion – The narcissist is dead serious about himself. He may possess a subtle, wry, and riotous sense of humor, scathing and cynical, but rarely is he self-deprecating. The narcissist regards himself as being on a constant mission, whose importance is cosmic and whose consequences are global. If a scientist – he is always in the throes of revolutionizing science. If a journalist – he is in the middle of the greatest story ever. If a novelist – he is on his way to a Booker or Nobel prize.

This self-misperception is not amenable to light-headedness or self-effacement. The narcissist is easily hurt and insulted (narcissistic injury). Even the most innocuous remarks or acts are interpreted by him as belittling, intruding, or coercive. His time is more valuable than others’ – therefore, it cannot be wasted on unimportant matters such as mere banter or going out for a walk.

Any suggested help, advice, or concerned inquiry are immediately cast by the narcissist as intentional humiliation, implying that the narcissist is in need of help and counsel and, thus, imperfect and less than omnipotent. Any attempt to set an agenda is, to the narcissist, an intimidating act of enslavement. In this sense, the narcissist is both schizoid and paranoid and often entertains ideas of reference.

These – the lack of empathy, the aloofness, the disdain, the sense of entitlement, the constricted sense of humor, the unequal treatment and the paranoia – render the narcissist a social misfit. The narcissist is able to provoke in his milieu, in his casual acquaintances, even in his psychotherapist, the strongest, most avid and furious hatred and revulsion. To his shock, indignation and consternation, he invariably induces in others unbridled aggression.

He is perceived to be asocial at best and, often, antisocial. This, perhaps, is the strongest presenting symptom. One feels ill at ease in the presence of a narcissist for no apparent reason. No matter how charming, intelligent, thought provoking, outgoing, easy going and social the narcissist is – he fails to secure the sympathy of others, a sympathy he is never ready, willing, or able to reciprocate.

Also Read

Telling Them Apart

Facilitating Narcissism

The Abuser’s Body Language

Acquired Situational Narcissism

How to Spot an Abuser on Your First Date

Narcissistic Personality Disorder at a Glance

The Truth Behind The Narcissist’s Mask…

Yes! It is possible, usual, and normal, for a Narcissist to take all of the steps necessary, to assume a believable, powerful persona, of someone that they are not! They are expert, pathological liars, that will say and do anything, to cover up the truth of what they really are. Sometimes they come from damaged family backgrounds. Sometimes, they are spoiled, rotten brats. Sometimes, there is no reason for them to act the way that they do. The “sense of entitlement” of a Narcissist drives them to do whatever they want, to whomever they want, to achieve a sense of superiority, and acceptance, in their conception of reality.

For this reason, here is my most important advice to you! Do a background check on this person before you get too involved, especially when you’re talking about the The Three M’S; MONEY, MOVING IN TOGETHER, & MARRIAGE! If you’re talking about your future, you  have the right to know about their past, and present life.  Ask for, or obtain his/her SS#, and Drivers’ license # (better yet, a copy of the ID).  See if they have aliases, criminal history,ex-wives, current wives, children, and mental problems. Run a credit report on them. Go to the County Records, and pull up everything you can find with their name on it (you can do some of this online). And, even after that , DIG DEEPER! I didn’t find out, until we were separated after seven years of living together, that  my ex husband had been involved in 62 lawsuits (YES, SIXTY TWO), that I was not even aware of, BEFORE WE WERE MARRIED!!! He was a professional litigator, without an attorney’s license! Hope this helps you feel a little bit better. I, at least, deserve a free dunce cap.

I’m glad that so many of you have found, and followed my blog. You must all give yourselves a HUGE round of applause, and many pats on your backs, for surviving the abuse that you, and your children, did not deserve. Please write in, and tell me more about your experiences with your NARC, and how you made it through the battles. You have no idea how many people  that you would be helping. I had no idea how many people have been in my same situation,and been destroyed by their involvement with a Narcissist,until I received  a ton of responses to my blog. It makes me wonder how many people were not able to survive the devastation, caused by this relationship, and turned to alcohol, drugs, and suicide.

I ended up homeless during this ordeal, and I’m sure many others have had to go there too. It’s so painful to talk about, that you just CAN NOT talk about it. We can not believe that we will get any help from the police, the Court system, and even our family and friends, because the NARCS are AMAZING PATHOLOGICAL LIARS, and are able to twist every truth, into a lie that is beneficial for them. Those on the outside of your relationship, do not get this, and will not believe you. It’s hard for us to wrap our minds around such a ridiculous reality.

We really need to FIND and CREATE more support groups to help us cope with, and find the better life, THAT WE DESERVE. I know that there are some wonderful groups of counselors out there already, and I would love to be able to help spread the word, of help that may be available to all of us.  Thank you, and much love to all of you.