Self Doubt; STOP IT!!!

Feb 162011

This is a very important message that I need to share with all of you. Right now,I am exhausted. I don’t want to get out of bed. I don’t give a shit about what happens today, or tomorrow. I’m sick of the abuse by my ex, the Courts, attorneys, and blah, blah, blah. I began writing this blog in 2009, never, ever thinking that I would still be writing this in 2011!! TEN YEARS of my life! Oh well, I need to get over this crap.

I haven’t been able to add a lot of humor in my entries, due to the fact that THERE IS NOTHING FUNNY,when you are living with the Devil ( well…maybe sometimes).

Now for the good news! This is a temporary moment in your life. Five days ago, I saw the proverbial “light at the end of the tunnel”, and knew that I could, and would, be the wonderful,loving ,giving, beautiful, successful person that I was, before I became involved with this sick, destructive, inhumane, creature.

Embrace the fact that you truly know the meaning of LOVE ; the Narc will never be able to experience that feeling, and it PISSES THEM OFF! They get off on seeing the pain that they inflict on others. Realize how sick, and miserable the NARC will always be. NOTHING will ever satisfy them. They don’t/won’t recognize that they have NPD ( a combination of many psychosis; pathological liars, self delusion. self entitlement, and on and on crap) . This disorder can NEVER be fixed. Do not blame yourself ; just get the fuck out of there, before you lose your sanity, kids, money, self worth, and everything else that you still possess.

Anyway, tomorrow is a new day. I’ll get over these recent days of frustration, and life will be great again. I hope this helps some of you. PLEASE, PLEASE, continue to share your words, thoughts, wisdom, questions, and answers ,with me.

Love Y’all

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Narcissistic Ex Making Good on his Threats

Divorcing a narcissist, Surviving the Narcissist 1 Response »

Feb 162011

My ex warned me he would “…Take me down!” In a fit of rage, violent and threatening, as usual, he laid into me with a verbal assault. His tirade left no visible mark on the outside, and nobody believes me when I tell them what happened. Well, almost nobody. The Narc always plans what they do to you, for their own best outcome. It’s what you get when you meet a narcissistic abuser… the outside is all the matters.

It has been several months now since my divorce is supposedly final, but Narc is trying to appeal the judges decision. Not that this judge did me any favors, mind you. In fact, it has come to light that he and my ex had “business” together that explains a lot. So as I sit here, trying to make sense of the unreasonable which is for the most part a gigantic waste of life, I remember Narc’s words, actions and threats as vividly as if it were yesterday. And I am tired, beyond belief. It is everything I can do just to survive each day, as the residue of this horror continues to grip me and drag me down, without a moments rest.

He won. And I cannot imagine an outcome whereby he would not have won, at least on the surface, because that is what someone with narcissistic personality disorder does – win at all cost, even to their children, family and friends. No one is safe from the abuse of the Narcissist.

No One. My Marriage was a joke, my divorce an even larger joke, and still there is work to be done, court issues to be handled and now a new lawsuit designed to finish what Narc started. Just a few minutes rest, perhaps a brief day in the sun, and then I might pick myself up out of the dust and take a step up out of this pit that has become my life….

He will get his, somehow…someday.

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Narcissistic Ex leaves a residue that taints long after they leave

Surviving the Narcissist 4 Responses »

May 012010

Narcissistic Ex leaves a residue that taints long after they leave…

Come in contact with a narcissist and you cannot help but feel violated – even with brief contact. But live with and marry one, and likely you will be tainted by their caustic residue long after they have scattered the remains of your relationship all around you as you lay on the floor struggling to regain your foothold.

This is the insidious result of the narc’s ability to suck the life blood out of those they profess to love and care for, all the while draining you of every drop of energy and joy you posses. And those who are unfortunate enough to last a few rounds with a narc end up loosing everything in the end. Even their future. Those who live it, feel it and survive this battle one on one with the narc are forever scarred…. damaged goods long after they are left in that black smoke of the void that once contained the narc and his entourage.

Perhaps there is an opportunity in all this for the creation of a new support group – Narcissist Survivors Anonymous (NSA)! Anyone want in on the formation of the first chapter? We can hold the meetings in rooms with no mirrors, padded walls to reduce the echo and everyone will have to talk about someone else as opposed to themselves… otherwise even our best efforts to keep the poison of a narc out of the group meetings would be destroyed. And you know that once a narc finds out about our efforts, they will crash it and take over, making the entire process about them. Next thing you know… mirrors everywhere!

Narcissists and those with Narcissistic Personality Disorder be warned… we see the rubble in the wake of your destructive path, and wish to protect the next in line who come in contact with the left-over pieces of the survivors! Not an easy task….

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From Joy to Devastation with a Narcissistic Ex

Surviving the Narcissist No Responses »

Mar 202010

From Joy to Devastation with a Narcissistic Ex

He promised me that I could forever trust him. He promised my parents that he would never hurt me. He told me that he was the victim in his previous marriages, and that his children were damaged because his ex wife abandoned the family, was a drug addict/alcoholic, and a sex addict.

He convinced me that he had been in love with me from the time that we met, twenty six (yes,26 ) years ago.

I, easily and stupidly, fell in love with the delusional portrait that he painted. Damn it, I really wanted to believe that this could be a reality!

After we married, I began to realize that he had an AGENDA. He didn’t marry me for “love”, and the other blah, blah,blah, crap. He married me for the following reasons:

1) Beautiful, younger, educated wife that had great social/money connections, to make him look great.

2) Instant “New Mommy”, for his children, that would replace his ex-wife (as referenced above) to make him look GREAT.

3) New Wife (ME), stupid enough to believe that what came out of his mouth was TRUE. I defended him, through thick and thin. I never knew what the TRUTH was, throughout our entire relationship.

4) Great credit report and lots of $ in the bank. Damn, you’ve gotta love a girl with great credit, and money to play with!

5) Revenge! I dated him when I was just out of College and not ready for a serious relationship; especially with a man that was almost a decade older than me, and just divorcing his first wife. He professed his “Love” for me after we dated for about 4 months, and told me that he couldn’t see me anymore because I was breaking his heart. WHAT THE HELL?!? We had sex one time during our dating career, and he was seeing other women the entire time (his 1st ex wife was also calling him incessantly, a huge turn off for me). I did not realize that he felt hurt, and humiliated, by this “break up” .

He was obsessed with me then, and STILL stalks me to this day.

A Narst NEVER forgets if he/she feels humiliated, embarrassed, or dumped, by anyone. They will come back and try to destroy that person, as long as they live.

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Before the beginning with my Narcissistic Ex

Overview, Surviving the Narcissist No Responses »

Feb 182010

Before the beginning with my Narcissistic Ex

No matter how hard I try as I sit here looking back on this experience, there are not enough clues in life for one to really see where things are heading and how they would end.

Nothing, and no one, could prepare me for living with, marrying, and surviving the sick relationship that I had with my ex husband. There are so many of us out there that have been through, or are going through, something that we never thought could happen to us. I want to share my experiences with you, and hopefully be able to help or learn from others that have been involved with a “Narcissist”.

There is no concrete definition that I know of, to peg a Narcissistic personality. From my experience,it is a combination of a pathological liar, sociopath, psychopath, masochist, and probably a few other things thrown in there. I’m not a psychiatrist, or a psychologist, but I have talked to professionals to try to figure out what the hell I was involved with. What I do know is that it is a personality disorder,that is pretty much incurable, because the person believes that they are a God, in their own mind. Hitler( yes the man responsible for the Holocaust) is a perfect although extreme example. They can fool many into believing in a blown up FALSE image of themselves and will manipulate ANYONE and EVERYONE ( including their own children) that they can, by lying, cheating, stealing, and whatever else it takes, with absolutely NO remorse!

Enough for now. PLEASE send me your thoughts and experiences.

L.D.

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