Yes! It is possible, usual, and normal, for a Narcissist to take all of the steps necessary, to assume a believable, powerful persona, of someone that they are not! They are expert, pathological liars, that will say and do anything, to cover up the truth of what they really are. Sometimes they come from damaged family backgrounds. Sometimes, they are spoiled, rotten brats. Sometimes, there is no reason for them to act the way that they do. The “sense of entitlement” of a Narcissist drives them to do whatever they want, to whomever they want, to achieve a sense of superiority, and acceptance, in their conception of reality.
For this reason, here is my most important advice to you! Do a background check on this person before you get too involved, especially when you’re talking about the The Three M’S; MONEY, MOVING IN TOGETHER, & MARRIAGE! If you’re talking about your future, you have the right to know about their past, and present life. Ask for, or obtain his/her SS#, and Drivers’ license # (better yet, a copy of the ID). See if they have aliases, criminal history,ex-wives, current wives, children, and mental problems. Run a credit report on them. Go to the County Records, and pull up everything you can find with their name on it (you can do some of this online). And, even after that , DIG DEEPER! I didn’t find out, until we were separated after seven years of living together, that my ex husband had been involved in 62 lawsuits (YES, SIXTY TWO), that I was not even aware of, BEFORE WE WERE MARRIED!!! He was a professional litigator, without an attorney’s license! Hope this helps you feel a little bit better. I, at least, deserve a free dunce cap.
I’m glad that so many of you have found, and followed my blog. You must all give yourselves a HUGE round of applause, and many pats on your backs, for surviving the abuse that you, and your children, did not deserve. Please write in, and tell me more about your experiences with your NARC, and how you made it through the battles. You have no idea how many people that you would be helping. I had no idea how many people have been in my same situation,and been destroyed by their involvement with a Narcissist,until I received a ton of responses to my blog. It makes me wonder how many people were not able to survive the devastation, caused by this relationship, and turned to alcohol, drugs, and suicide.
I ended up homeless during this ordeal, and I’m sure many others have had to go there too. It’s so painful to talk about, that you just CAN NOT talk about it. We can not believe that we will get any help from the police, the Court system, and even our family and friends, because the NARCS are AMAZING PATHOLOGICAL LIARS, and are able to twist every truth, into a lie that is beneficial for them. Those on the outside of your relationship, do not get this, and will not believe you. It’s hard for us to wrap our minds around such a ridiculous reality.
We really need to FIND and CREATE more support groups to help us cope with, and find the better life, THAT WE DESERVE. I know that there are some wonderful groups of counselors out there already, and I would love to be able to help spread the word, of help that may be available to all of us. Thank you, and much love to all of you.
How Did I Get Here? The Narcissist Training Program and the Narcissistic Ex…
I always thought that I became more learned and stronger through my life experiences. At 42 years of age, I’d done things that many people had only dreamed of doing. I thought that I had been through enough, good and bad, and therefore was a pretty good judge of character when it came down to picking out a partner. Actually, that was not true. I’ve been involved with some men that were wonderful and truly loving, and also with a couple of psychopaths that I thought would kill me (fun in the beginning, but not in the end). I was DONE with IT, and was truly happy to be alone.
Then, X came into the story, and I went willingly , though unknowingly, into
” Narcissist Boot Camp”
This boot camp was a 7 year process during which I was mind-screwed after going through the following schedule of courses given by the Narst . The end result ; an “A” in depression. By the time he was done with me, I became mentally paralyzed, very sad, and felt that I could never escape from this ridiculous marriage.
Fear- I became extremely afraid of him, and tried to hide this from the public. Only a few of my friends knew what he was doing to me. My parents didn’t even know. Everything usually looked good to those on the outside.
Isolation from friends and family- He would contact people behind my back, and make up ridiculous lies about me, usually trying to convince them that I was losing my mind. He even tried to do this to my own Doctor. That didn’t work. Some of my friends, and my Doctor, contacted me and told me what he was doing. When I confronted him, he would, as usual, try to LIE his way out of the truth. He would also tell me terrible LIES about my friends and family, to keep me away from them.
Control- Using anger and continual LIES. I never knew what bought on his anger, and it became worse everyday.
Undermining my authority as a parent figure, and causing friction whenever he felt that out of control of the relationships I had developed with his children. He hated when his children and I had a good relationship, so he would LIE to them about me, sometimes behind my back, and sometimes right in front of them.
Humiliation and Embarrassment- Telling people that I was a raging alcoholic and pill popper.I later found out, through medical records, that he is, in fact, a functioning alcoholic. Boy, could he hide his problem well! Yelling and screaming at me in public places using ridiculous accusations, and then leaving me there, helpless, with no money, no purse and no means to get home. His jealousy was INSANE and totally inappropriate
Trying to make me think I was crazy by “gas-lighting” me continually (please google this term so that you’ll understand).
Controlling all the money, and lying to me about transactions; using marital funds, without my knowledge. He was also big on having my signature forged without my knowledge and or consent.
He was extremely paranoid, and secretive. I never knew what was truly going on in our marriage.
There is so much that I need to talk about, on each of these subjects, but it is exhausting for me to even right down this much. So many, many, examples of each of these torturous things that he would put me through; obviously, LYING to me is the common theme that runs through his methods of control.
So for now, take heed in the first lessons of the Narcissist Training Program – or as I like to call it “Lieing 101″.
Abuse from The Narcissisist and the Narcissistic Ex
My husband abused me for over nine years; six years during our marriage, and three more years since our separation and divorce. Our “Family Law” case is STILL not settled.
The abuse didn’t start until after we got married. We lived together for a year prior to marrying in a fairly blissful relationship. We did have problems with hostile interference from his ex wife (SECOND ex wife) and, and her continual use of their two children as pawns to try to destroy our relationship. They had been divorced for a year before we started dating. He swore to me that the problems that he had with her were temporary; just a matter of straightening out a few child custody issues that would not be a problem for us. According to him, his ex was a drug addict, alcoholic, and an adulteress, that had abandoned him and their two children from the beginning of their marriage. He was the victim,and SHE was the villain.
Before the marriage he convinced me that he was the most loving, protective, adoring man, that I had ever met, and that I was the most special woman in the world. He loved me. His children loved me. He would take care of me.WE were meant to be! I never, never, thought that he had intentions to, or was capable of, hurting me like he did.
After looking back on our relationship, I now see that he carefully planned the entire drama, from the beginning to the end, and this was not his first rodeo. I was his third wife; he orchestrated and conducted his first two marriages in the same manner. I found this out by going through court records and transcripts that revealed the tactics that he used to try to destroy his first two wives, and they were the exact same tactics that he used to try to destroy me.
When a narcissist has a void in their life, as measured by each second of the day, as in when they are standing in a quiet hallway with few eyes upon them, they tend to engage strangers and enemies alike, chest puffed out or hair just right, as if they are all that they think they are. And there is little you can do to avoid them in this situation… where does one run to when trapped by walls and circumstance? Break down a door, hammer through a wall, jump out a window (only advisable if you are on the first floor of a building), anything necessary to get away from the Narst.
The best rule of thumb here is to IGNORE, IGNORE, IGNORE! DO NOT engage in any conversation and/or eye contact with the Narst. If for some reason you must be physically in the presence of the Narst, MAKE SURE that you have witnesses of your own that accompany you everywhere!!! That way when the Narst calls in a false police report on you , tells outlandish lies about you in court, or tries to slander you to the entire community, your family and friends with specific stories including dates and times( i.e. you are a child beater/pill poppin’ pillhead alchoholic/and engage in sex with minors that go to school with his children), you have witnesses that can refute his bullshit. I AM NOT KIDDING! I KNOW, BECAUSE I’VE HEARD ALL OF THE ABOVE!!!
Be careful out there, and don’t be shocked when you hear the false and ridiculous allegations that the Narst has made against you, from someone that you don’t even know!!!!
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